The Sorry Space

I'm sorry.
Because, why?
Because you're sad. You're unhappy. You're mad. Because that horrible thing happened. 
It's not your fault.
I know.
Then why are you sorry?
I don't know.

I used to say sorry to fill the space.
Even writing that seems like an odd thing to say.
But it's true.
I used to say sorry to fill the space of silence. To apologize for things that weren't even within my control. To apologize for something that never had to do with me. I used to say sorry for pain that I never caused and hurt that was not my fault.
Sorry used to slip from my lips as easily as air.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
If you asked me why I apologized so much, I wouldn't have an answer.
And honestly, I still don't have the answer.
Somewhere along the line I got it into my head that it was my job to fix everyone. To take on their pain and hurt, and try and make it better.
Somewhere along the line, I started saying sorry for things that weren’t my fault, but it was all I could think of when I say people I loved and cared about in pain.
I’m sorry.
But as you might imagine, that wasn’t always the healthiest thing for me. I would venture to say that it’s not the healthiest thing for any human being.
Saying sorry all the time. Taking on the world's hurt. Trying to fix the discomfort and pain of those you cared about with a single word can get quite exhausting.
It can even be demeaning.
See, when you utter sorry enough, people think that they can do anything to you.
People think that they can step all over your heart and soul, and it’ll be ok, because you both know you’ll be the one saying sorry in the end.
Now does that sound right to you?
Does that sound kind to you?
I do hope your shaking your head no on the other side of this screen.
I do hope the world no slips from your lips.
Because no, it’s not ok at all.
See, if your heart is that of a fixer, a healer, a do-gooder, chances are you want to rid the world of all it’s horrors. Chances are you want to reach out to the people you see in pain, the ones who are sad, the ones are hurting, and wrap them in love and warmth that will fuze back the pieces of their broken hearts.
Chances are you see folks dining alone and stop for a second to wonder if they're lonely. Maybe you walk down the streets and stop to look in the eyes of those who have no home, and give them the last crumbled bill in your wallet. You’re probably the person who stays on the phone with a friend in need, long past when you’d ought to be in bed.
And you know what?
That’s beautiful.
Your heart is beautfiul.
That goodness is beautiful.
It is.
But guard your heart, ok?
Don’t be so quick to fill the space with sorry. Don’t be so fast to apologize for something that you had no control over.
Listen before you let sorry slip through your lips.
Your apology should land on the hearts of souls who need it, who'll appreciate, who will hear it. Fill the space with sorry when it’s needed - not when you are at a loss for what to say.